he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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