Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
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Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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