Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
