i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
