hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
