I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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