sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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