I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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