Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
