just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
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Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
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WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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