she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
