umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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