3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
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so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
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