Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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