Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
