You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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