I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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