I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
