Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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