she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
