We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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