Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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