Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
