i jhust puked up my retainher.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
