Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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