worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
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I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
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perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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