my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
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he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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