JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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