Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
