made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
