be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
