I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
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So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
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I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize