quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
