you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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