Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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