you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i think i have two assholes
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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