How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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