i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
