It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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