Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
