So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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