just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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