watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
