He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
