Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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