Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
