Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
