i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Semen is not good for contacts.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just want nice things and good sex
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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