So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize