since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
