I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
