So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
When are your genitals available?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
