So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
