woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
