I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
