Sponge bath it is.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
