your parents love me but you hate me
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
