ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
