college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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