Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
