I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
