oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
