just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
pray to the hookup gods
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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