I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i drank out of a bidet.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
