Only a mothe r could love this liver
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
