All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
