I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
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I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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