make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
