so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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