i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
