their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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