We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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