Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
