dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I currently don't understand fingers.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
