weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
