Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
