If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
