My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
