Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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