very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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